This is a tough subject to tackle but this time of year I am overwhelmed by memories of those I have Loved and Lost. Maybe lost is the wrong word to use. If I remember them, then they are not really lost. They are with me – not just during this time of year – but always.
It was 6 years ago, August 31, when my dear husband, Ron died from MS and one year later our precious dog, Annie needed to be put down, leaving me all alone.
Sure I have my children and their families, especially all of my wonderful grandchildren, to help fill the voids in my life, but they don’t live with me.
They don’t and can’t fill the empty space in my heart, the emptiness within these walls or the hours I spend alone. They aren’t here to talk to, eat with, spoon with, laugh or argue with, take a walk with, play with, go shopping with or go to dinner and a movie with.
Even when they’ve tried to fill the void, it’s just not the same. It’s impossible for them to understand what it’s like or how I feel until they walk in my shoes – which I hope they never do, but know they will.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not morose. It’s simply that this time of year is when the loss of my husband and my dog hit home the most.
Six years have passed through my fingertips and it often feels like yesterday, but each day that passes is a new one and God gently carries me a little further down the new path I’m left to face.
I’ve gotten stronger, more confident, more decisive, more grounded with each passing day. I AM finding the ME that has always been US. I’ve always been something or someone for everyone else and now I’m discovering ME. It’s like discovering a new and wonderful friend that has always been hidden in the background and is emerging from the shadows.
God is showing me who I am and who He created me to be. All the people in my life, here and gone, have helped mold me, but God is the Master potter. It is His design that is beggining to unfold.
I am finding Him to be a gentle but deliberate captain of my ship. He is the way maker like the song says. Even when I can’t feel Him he’s working. He’s guiding. He’s sculpting, He’s putting the finishing touches on a masterpiece that is ME. Even when I can’t see Him He’s working – to make a clear path for me to do His will, to complete MY life journey and My corner of His Tapestry.
I thought I’d died when Ron did. I was lost. I kept wearing a smile and weaved in and out of friends and family trying to find my way and then God reminded me that He brings beauty from ashes, life out of dust. He changes graves into gardens and darkness to light.
God was greater than anything I was facing and loved me more than I could imagine.
He has never stopped working for my good. He has created in me a new spirit; speaking to me thru His word, through music, daily devotions and through the love of friends and family. It is there that I have found my strength to put one foot in front of the other, to take the next step, even to walk on water in faith. He’s showing me how to take the next breath even when I feel the breath has been knocked out of me. He is opening my eyes and helping me to see beyond my grief.
Each day He continues to provide what I need – tiny miracles, soft whispers, promises, comfort and strength, – like a string of pearls to wear around my neck and close to my heart.
He guides me as I share His words of encouragement here and in the books I am writing. The comfort and healing, the wisdom and courage He has given to me, I have been called to share with you.
I have dedicated the rest of my life to honor all those I have watched walk into glory.
I am committed to serving when God calls me and I will strive to be a beacon of His love and light to others wherever and however He leads me.
Today I Thank God for all those that have gone before me, for my sweet Husband, Ron and my four legged best friend, Annie. I Thank God for lifting me up and showing me the way, every day, until I follow my loved ones Home.
What are you Thankful for today?
Are you trying to find your way after loosing a loved one?
I’m sure God would love to hear from you and so would I.
From My Heart To Yours, VICTORIA